


In My Life

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-03-15
Updated: 2000-03-15
Packaged: 2018-11-20 19:49:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11342100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Mulder and Krycek discuss the end of the search





	In My Life

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

In My Life by Hephaestion

Title: In My Life  
Author: Hephaestion   
Date: Feb 2000  
Archive: Yes (not PBU)  
Rating: Adults only  
Summary: Mulder and Krycek discuss the end of the search  
Spoilers: YES, to part two of the mystery behind Samantha’s disappearance (SORRY have no idea the name of the episode) _[Archivist's Note: Closure is the ep name]_  
Author’s note: the final ending to that entire mystery didn’t impress me, however, I was inspired to write this from it.  
Dedicated: Para los muertos, may all our souls end up that pretty in the end.  
Website: http://www.slashcity.com/~hephaestion/

* * *

************

The Smoker looked up with watery old eyes to the muzzle of the gun being pointed at him.

“I knew this was coming. The end of the pain finally here, what took you so long?” He threw the cigarette on the floor before looking up again. He never got to say another word.

**

Mulder stood beside Scully at the gravesite. He held her hand and appreciated its grip in his. He looked at the three headstones. William Mulder Sr., his mother Teena and now his sister Samantha, all three gone from his life. He had to admit he never got to know any of them and now never would.

The Gunmen stood nearby also. He turned to face them and offered a weak smile. In many ways the four people around him were his family. They cared and risked their own lives for him. They were here now to offer their love and support. Mulder had to realize he wasn’t alone. He was only a bit lonely at the moment.

“Mulder are you all right?” she said and squinted as the sun hit her solemn blue eyes.

“In a way Scully, having her here brings me peace. When I want to see her or talk to her I only need to come here. She’s not alone either; she has mom and dad nearby. Let’s go Scully. I am ok, really I am ok.” He said and began to walk away.

She pursed her lips and held back her own small amount of grief for the little girl that never got a chance to grow up. Mulder lost a sister and she lost a daughter. Innocent souls caught up in the games of evil men.

**

Mulder walked into his apartment bone tired and weary of grief. He could see the flowers on the table sent by some ‘friends’ from the Bureau that he wasn’t aware he had. Even Skinner looked at him with eyes that seem filled with sadness. Skinner seemed grim at hearing Mulder replay the events leading to the knowledge that his sister was dead. He was given time off and for once Mulder didn’t fight it. He wanted to sleep and to finish the paperwork that involved settling his mother’s estate.

Mulder sensed a weird feeling in the dark living room. He had to admit it was something that made his balls rise up in their sac, a natural reaction when suddenly confronted with a possible dangerous situation.

A figure sitting head down.

Strangely enough Mulder didn’t care or reach for his gun. Maybe he was supposed to join his family today? He got closer when suddenly the figure sitting still formed a familiar image in front of his eyes.

Mulder gave a sad chuckle and shook his head. He definitely wasn’t afraid anymore. He walked up until only the cocktail table stood between them.

“What do you want Krycek?”

Mulder looked at the man and suddenly noticed the gun in the other man’s hand. Mulder still wasn’t afraid. Death wasn’t an issue anymore for him.

Krycek looked up to his so-called nemesis. Mulder bit back the shock to see the tears in the killer’s eyes.

“Well?” Mulder said impatiently.

“I am sorry about Samantha. I am really sorry Mulder. She shouldn’t have died. She was just a kid.” Alex said softly. He clenched his eyes shut and swallowed the lump in his throat.

“What do you know about it?” Mulder said and took off his jacket. He flung it on the desk nearby where he sat down. He rubbed his eyes and felt the weariness in his bones catching up again. It was late. Typical of Krycek always wanted to talk when it was late.

“Mulder can you go with me to that military base? I want to find out something.”

Mulder looked at Krycek suddenly as if he had asked him to have his baby. “What? Now? Why?”

“Mulder, just do it. Please don’t make me have to hurt you and force you there.” Krycek said and stood up.

Krycek looked at Mulder but this time the look wasn’t as pitiful. This one had a tinge of madness behind the emerald eyes.

“I’ll get my keys.” Mulder said.

**

They stood in the middle of the empty military base where so many experiments and children were kept. Mulder showed Krycek where he had found Samantha’s diary. A diary full of probably the most heart breaking entries any child should have to put down on paper.

Krycek looked around but spoke very little. He heard Mulder explain some of the visions he had about the dead souls that he had encountered.

They walked around the area to a nearby barrack. This one was just as empty, dirty and full of spider webs. Mulder and Krycek explored every room. They moved around bits and pieces of old furniture that was left over.

Mulder finally stopped and crouched down to the floor. He called over Krycek. In Mulder’s palm was a small metal car. It was the type of toy car that was usually a toy for small boys.

“This could have been where they kept male children. Separated from the girl children.” Mulder said softly. No matter how secluded and empty the area, he couldn’t bring himself to raise his voice above a whisper.

Mulder watched Krycek’s lips form a tight line. Mulder looked past Krycek’s shoulder to see the eerie glowing forms of several souls of boy children. Some sat around in a group playing with toy cars, while others sat on their bunks rocking back and forth weeping.

Mulder’s eyes were wide and dared not blink for a moment. Krycek noticed the change in Mulder’s face.

“What do you see Mulder?”

Mulder didn’t answer but looked around the room. He suddenly felt Krycek’s hand touching him.

“Fox, what do you see? Tell me!” Krycek pleaded.

“They are here Alex. These boys were stolen and brought here for experiments. The ones that are dead, I can see them. Look at them.” Mulder said and nodded towards the empty room.

“I can’t see them. Let’s get out of here.” Krycek said but was stopped by Mulder.

“No, you brought me here. You can see if you believe. If you really want to see.”

“I’m afraid.”

“You? Alex Krycek is afraid of something? What…” Mulder looked down next to Krycek but was unable to finish his sentence.

The boy was about 5 years old. He stood directly next to Krycek. He looked up at Alex, and spoke to the man but no words could be heard from his mouth. Mulder looked at he boy who seemed begging for Krycek’s attention. It was when the boy turned to face Mulder that he gasped.

The eyes were as green as emeralds. The nose was upturned and the lips were a cupid’s bow. He was a smaller version of the one-armed man before him.

“His eyes are just like your eyes Krycek. That is why you came here? Who was he Alex?” Mulder asked, and smiled to the small apparition before him.

“He’s here?”

“Yes.”

“Can he see me? Hear me?” Alex asked, his voice sounded far away and cold.

Mulder looked at the child, who smiled and nodded. “Yes, he can hear you and see you.”

“Is he..” Alex held back the sob, and swallowed. He took a deep breath but continued, “is he happy?”

Mulder looked at the small child who smiled to reveal a missing tooth on the bottom. “Yes, he’s very happy. He’s free now.” Mulder said, and felt his own tear escape.

Krycek nodded, “then we can go Mulder. That is what I needed to know. I knew he was gone but I needed to know that he was happy now.” He turned and walked away from Mulder and the child-soul near him.

By the time Mulder caught up with Krycek the man was sitting in the car.

Mulder turned the car on and looked over at Krycek. He was quiet and yet his lips were moving quickly but Mulder couldn’t hear what was being said.

“The Smoking bastard is dead. I shot him today.” Krycek finally spoke.

Mulder gripped the steering wheel and looked out the front windshield. He burst into a fit of sobs and laughter that seemed to rattle the car. When he was done, Mulder wiped his face and nose with his handkerchief. Mulder was too tired to congratulate or yell at Krycek.

“That was my twin brother. I knew he was dead. He was taken from me when we were both 5 years old. Yanked from the room while we played with our toy cars. I was told that if I played the game I would have him back. I guess he never survived the first batch of tests. I guess he and I never had a chance.” Krycek said, and turned to look out the car window.

Mulder felt his heart beating so fast it seemed ready to explode out of his chest. He had always pictured Alex Krycek as the boogey man incarnate. A soulless creature unworthy of redemption or mercy, however Mulder now felt that assumption was very wrong. He looked over to the man he felt he was meeting really for the first time. Mulder had so many questions but even he felt now was not the time to ask them.

**

They drove the dark highway at a steady speed. Neither man saying a word.

Mulder felt the air in the car was going to suffocate him. The grief that hung around their heads was going to swallow them whole. Mulder watched Alex Krycek’s lips move again rapidly and he began to thing maybe the man was either praying or cursing someone.

Mulder flipped the radio on and the car began to fill up with music:

There are places I remember  
Some have changed  
Some forever and not for better  
And some have gone and some remain  
All these places have their moments  
With lovers and friends  
I still can recall  
Some are dead and some are living  
In my life  
I love them all

Alex shook his head and allowed the tears to flow naturally down his face. He held back nothing. He sobbed softly. He cried for the little brother he loved and missed dearly. But he was glad the child was now free of pain. His brother was a happy childish soul forever.

But of all these friends and lovers  
There is no one  
Compares to you  
And these memories lose their meaning  
When I think love, as something new  
Though I never ever lose affection  
For people and things  
That went before  
I know I will often think about them  
In my life  
I love you more

Mulder looked over and watched Alex Krycek sobbing. Mulder’s right hand came off the steering wheel and glided over the space between them. Krycek turned to look at Mulder who smiled at him for the first time in over 3 years.

Though I know I will never ever lose affection  
For people and things that went before  
I know I often stop and think of them  
But in my life  
I love you more

I love you more

I love you more

Alex Krycek moved his own hand until it was clasped with Mulder’s. Their hands clasped together in the space between them. For what reason, neither really knew, except for the fact that they needed to hold each other at that moment. They drove all the way back to D.C. holding hands. Both determined to find a way, how to start their lives again.

The end

 


End file.
